Words of a Theory Student

Oh, hi.

So I realized, in this life, there is nothing I love to do, more than discuss deeper topics. Maybe topics that confuse me. Maybe topics that I don’t fully understand, but I realize I like to do this, and no one else enjoys it.

I love to write. I always have. Actually before going to school for Business, photography and a bunch of other crap, I originally wanted to be a teacher. That got lost in the process of life, and now I am actually working my way back at it, just in a field I understand more; photography; and now theory as well.

Since I didn’t have many people to talk to these issues about, or even work through them with – I decided to start this blog.

I started to actually write down all of this content. But it seems I would much rather type all of this shit then feel my hand start to go numb.

So let me fill you in on some stuff.
This blog is me; is my head; so yes it will be vulgar. Yes, it will bring up some weird things in my head. NO, it will not be about me or my personal life. I’ve been down that road, and that shit should just never be made public.

Since going to art school many things have come into question. Daily, I am introduced to harder and more difficult topics about the world. Things that seemed black and white are everything but-

However, this worries me but not for my sake, but for the sake of others. Others who live in this bubble of a world that think this world actually makes sense.
Now we can all argue that the ‘world has bad and good people,’ but I feel like there is even a gray area in that.

For instance,  a shooting happens, and everyone blames that one individual who did the shooting, right? Wrong.
What if

this ‘act of terror’ was set up by a larger demographic of terrible people – for the sake of distraction, or politics? This issue would not have ever come into the forefront of my mind, if I hadn’t expanded my knowledge and relearned the history of the US, of other countries, of the world, that exists but has been buried over and over again.

As I read new books on women’s rights, or feminist theory, I am also expanding my knowledge on things that constantly play into my head, and disturb me.

Again, as you are growing up, you are taught your role. Don’t ask a boy out, make sure you are chosen by one though, whatever the fuck that means (esp because half the time they are the unloyal ones, or the ones that really need to grow the fuck up and take on responsibilities rather than playing video games all afternoon), shave your legs, shave your body, be pretty, be thin, don’t cuss, blah blah blah shit.

You are also taught that feminism is wrong, and intense, and fucking extreme. Fuck, even veganism is extreme. It’s like the world gets intimidated by things they don’t want to give up in fear that, FUCK, they have to respect something other than themselves.

It’s like the world labels compassion and equal rights extreme out of fear that they have to respect people and animals other than themselves, because what does an outside individual not about to be killed and taken for food benefit for giving up that steak? Nothing. Until they face that same fear, they have nothing to lose. Because at the end of the day, they don’t have to kill the cow, they don’t have to be cornered to be killed for someone else’s 15 minute meal. Their life does matter, because they are human.
Funny, how it doesn’t work the other way around (sad really).

Anyways, feminism.

I’ve always been told that it’s wrong. But why? For once I understand why many women don’t shave, it just places us in this ‘need to be pretty,’ ‘need to be chosen’ category.
I would not shave, if it weren’t for the fact that I sweat a lot , and hair just grosses me out. Any hair.

Since getting my masters, there have been several things constantly on my mind. I’ve never been one for sex, nudity and false images on screen in movies. People think I am weird, but really, I have enough issues with my body, thanks, that I don’t need to see photoshopped, or altered boobs by surgery placed in my face for me just to hate my own.

Glorified, false images on screen, just make us all hate our own bodies. And let’s be real, those ‘hot and steamy’ sex scenes in movies, just don’t happen in real life.
Sex is fucking awkward. Just think about it in theory. Now think about your dog or cat or some animal you have seen having sex…. is it beautiful… or do you laugh at it and share it on Facebook?

That’s what I thought.

But going to theory classes every day, actually pushes this element of uncomfortable to a new level for me. I was against slut shaming – completely. Now I would never make a post or something dramatic to make a girl feel bad about what she had done, but it DOES piss me off for many reasons ( it, being girls just posting photographs of themselves nude for the public to see ). I think there is a level that women and men should be able to post their bodies, to show their progression, and their physical growth. Those of us working our asses off to accomplish a goal – sometimes want to share what we have accomplished – so we can help others.

However, women selling their bodies to men or industries to be accepted or what the fuck ever, do several things AGAINST feminism and our movement as equal individual people on this planet… whether their intentions are to ’empower women,’ or not.

1. It feeds the cycle.
You know – this sexually crazed country/world, that deems women as sex objects only. Yes, you posting a nude selfie to stay relevant in today’s topics and discussions are really just hurting the rest of us trying to work our way up.
2. It puts appearance first. Fuck college, you can’t get a job if no one wants to fuck you.
Just read “The Beauty Myth,”

fucking mind blowing stats that just prove since the cosmetic surgery industry came about – women have been losing jobs left and right due to their lack of attraction, or maybe due to the progression of aging.

So this was my first vent. Just to give you an idea of what I am currently learning, battling, and just the beginning of my own work.

All of this ties into my work for my MFA (which is apaigebbeautiful.com) if you want to check out the beginning phases of my work.

Until later friends.



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