Yeah, but have you tried cookies in coffee?

I don’t know what it is about grad school

But every day I am more proud of who I have become.

Last night one of my friends on Facebook posted this (without really thinking it through, like we all do, and then later are like, “shit.”)


Now to be fair to my friend, the original post stated this,
“Oh my god, this girl. Every girl’s body goals.”

So.. that’s a little alarming. Especially since I just read up on all of the statistics on eating disorders yesterday (ironically).
The comments were even more disheartening.

“I never want to look like that”
“Don’t be sorry, you should love yourself, not be like this girl.”

Okay, so two things came to the forefront of my mind.

  1. It’s easy to hate this girl because even if I tried I could never be this girl. So one point, jealousy. It’s easy for us to get wrapped it. Now regardless, if I want to look like her or not. I can’t
    I wouldn’t strive to be as thin as this girl, but let that sink in, I can’t. I don’t have the will power, I like eating, and I know this will kick you in the ass later. AND it’s hard to overcome.
  2. Before my new educated self, I would have jumped on the bandwagon of these comments. It’s so incredibly easy to hate isn’t it? Talk bad? Be a bad friend. It’s hard to be a good person. Loyal. Honest. And uplifting. Especially when it seems women are first to dog on one another.


So I took a moment to think. And I responded accordingly.
“Guys I want you all to realize that you are shaming her. Someone probably going through anorexia and is struggling to see any beauty.
I just read a lot about this today.
So it’s not sick and disgusting, it’s struggling in a different way. We all struggle with weight and unfortunately it’s all sad.1 in 8 girls in college alone struggle with anorexia, 1 in 12 girls die from the disease.
When will this back and forth shaming end? Too fat, too skinny.
We all just really need to help each other out here. Girls are not the enemy. Rage society for those expectations.”

Someone responded later about the original intention of the post, which was promoting this girls illness… and that this isn’t realistic for any women. She had true points, but that doesn’t mean we should bash on either of them. Also, since this girl exists, we clearly can say that it is realistic.

So I responded this way.

“unfortunately, it is realistic.. it just kills half of its victims in the process.

The way the original post is set up, it is promoting it.. which is a sad .. sad reality.
From her point of view though – I find myself wondering if she struggles with seeing her beauty, if she is still seeing someone bigger in the mirror. I wonder a lot of things.

I don’t find it fair to call her gross, ugly, or repulsive, because half of us would do that with other body types too.
There are those who praise unhealthy, and those who shame it.. and I think the media is to blame for both extremes.

It’s our job as women to promote each other. Lift each other up, and in this case.. save one another from such flawed and harmful thinking.”

Eating disorders are so .. so sad.
But there is the way we treat these people, to their face, to their backs, that needs to be changed. The real monster is society, telling us that we are too fat, too thin, not good, too ugly, too blonde.
Fucking stop.

I can say that a picture of an obese women is equally or more so repulsive than this girl. It’s EASY to say things like that – but guess what ?
Both are struggling.
Both are hurting.
Both are seeking self worth.

And in what?
Their physical appearances.
The thing that really means absolutely nothing at the end of the day.

The world of the internet is beautiful and demeaning at the same time.
It exploits all of these people.
It puts the wrong perspectives and interpretations in our head.

It sucks.

Yet, I am super thankful that I have educated myself, learned about theory, expanded passed my original instincts as a jealous woman, or an unsatisfied woman.

The moment you are happy with yourself, is the moment you will stop judging others for who they are.

2 Replies to “Yeah, but have you tried cookies in coffee?”

  1. outinthesunflowers says:

    Love your piece! It really struck a chord in me (I have struggled with anorexia and bulimia for the past four years- still fighting through it!) I could really relate to this piece, and I agree that society imposes unfair and unrealistic standards upon us. Your last statement was very compelling, and inspiring. We must accept everyone, because everyone is beautiful in their own way. With judging others only comes self hatred. Very nice points!!


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