Earl Grey

I decided to make my titles, not related to anything I am going to talk about.

This post is going to be more of a thinking out loud process, but it’s not too internally deep.
I just want to talk about it.

Timing.

It’s weird how in life, timing is seriously everything.
When you lose a job, when you make a friend, when you lose a friend.
And all of it goes back to when.

Six years ago I left my house in my small town and moved to the city (this sounds like the beginning of a bad romance novel).
They first year was pretty lonely. My boyfriend and I were long distance, and I only had one friend here, really… and she was my roommate.
I didn’t meet any one really… just people I worked with.

About a year went by, and I started to make friends with those I worked with. I wasnt social enough to meet and maintain friendships of those I went to school with.
I just didn’t find any one that I sparked with.
I had a series of best friends throughout those years.
I could never quite replace the one that I had grown up with – who moved to Virginia.
Timing.

So I searched and searched to find a new best friend.
Someone who got all of my jokes.
Who wanted to be around me.
Another ‘Kacey.’
But I could never find another girl like her – after all – there is only one her – who has known me since I was about 2 years old.
And now we talk over the phone, and technology has given us things like Facetime, where it feels like we can talk and hang out daily like before – but its never the same – and thats adult life.

I had two best friends, who seemed to kind of just  – tire out of me.
I wasn’t sure what I did.
But the day came, when we just weren’t friends any more.
It’s weird because all of these best friends I had for 6 months or so – ended up reaching out to me later.

Timing.

There is always things going on in others lives that we are unsure of.
Maybe they need time away from people in general.
Maybe they need something new to distract them from a certain heartbreak…
and maybe you just remind them of that.

All of those people, I feel like I bent over backwards for – at least whenever I could – and I never quite felt it back.

Then I met a new, unexpected friend. I loved her dearly.
She was truly my new ‘best friend.’
Someone who got me.
who would meet me at 9 pm just because she missed me… even if it was for 10 minutes.
Someone who could vent to me , and I to them… and we just got it.

I started to focus on fitness.
I started to do things for me.
For the longest time I thought thats why our friendship ended.

Maybe out of jealousy.
Maybe out of a significant other not liking me.
But as time went on, I just have this feeling there was something personal happening, that I just … couldn’t be apart of… or I couldn’t help her in any way.

That was a tough friendship that ended.
And for the longest time, I sat in confusion.
I would get randomly mad or angry because I felt like I was being purposely ignored.
I didn’t know what I did wrong.

I felt so mad and so lost.
It changed a lot in the following year to be honest.
with my wedding, and everything – I just felt – a tad sad…
that we missed out on so many things in each others lives.

Timing.

It’s crazy how life goes back to that.

Maybe you met someone a year too early, before they had their mental breakdown that revived them back to the world.
Maybe you met them a year too late, after they have figured out what they wanted and who they wanted to become.

But the whole point here is.
People deserve second chances. They deserve third chances.
Hell as long as they didn’t completely stomp on your heart… they deserve a conversation over and over.

Because we as people sometimes, take things personally when it really isn’t about us.
Now… relationships… romantic relationships may be a tad differently.
If there is a physical element, or a cheating weakness- no… they did this by action. It was a choice.

But if you have felt neglected from a friend, or felt ignored, or confused.

Give it Time.

Sometimes we jump the gun and really just ruin it for ourselves.

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