Sloppy Joe 

As I continue in life I feel myself becoming more passionate, much stronger, and much more independent. Not just mentally, but also about certain topics.

The amount of anxiety I have about the things I stand for, is too much at some times. The end all be all thought I continuously have is basically the umbrella idea that humans are cruel, mean, selfish, and I should be surprised by no new, disgusting information I see. 

I have attempted to quiet myself online, or in person, about particular subjects. It doesn’t go well. I know I have strong opinions, however I also have strong factual research behind those opinions. What’s happening to our country right now is a disgrace. I feel it as a woman, but I know others feel it more than I do. 

By now, those who follow me probably can figure out my personality. I don’t think I’m better than anyone, but I do believe I am more aware about particular subjects or just pay attention to the root of causes more than their symptoms. I also research down as many rabbit holes of something as I can to figure out the psychology.

Here is a snippet of what type of person I am.

Last January, on New Year’s Eve actually… I was attacked by a dog. He ripped my face apart. Now, the body is an incredible thing, and during the event, I remember feeling off, but my body almost numbed me from it completely, that is until after surgery. The next day and that night was the worst amount of pain I have endured in my entire life. I won’t go over it into detail, but know that the recovery process was hard. Not because I cherished my face, but mentally, a lot of things were hard. The process of healing deep wounds isn’t a grand time either. So many bodily fluids come out from them. Ick. 

Any ways, it’s been over a year now. Although it was a hard year… I know others have had it worse. My pain and suffering was more than I thought it would be, but I’m still alive. 

I watched my cousin go through cancer for endless amounts of years. She eventually passed. But seeing her struggle put it into retrospect for me. Honestly, even being vegan and watching animal cruelty over and over puts it into a bigger scale of pain than just me. So although I had a hard time, I wouldn’t put it on that level of cruelty.

I actually stuck up for the dog too. It’s the owners I have a tiff with at the moment.

But that wasn’t really the intention of this blog… that’s just to show you how I handle situations bigger than me. Also note I was cracking jokes to the surgeons for the full hour of my surgery on the night of my attack. I also had to pee really bad the whole time.

In life you will become stronger on topics… and if you are in a relationship they will either grow with you or reject your ideas. My marriage is the second of those two.. and I honestly don’t know what to do about it. I love theory, I love animals, I have a large gift of empathy. 

Women, are proven to have more empathic characteristics than men. I am using the use of gender over male and female sex term on purpose. Every woman I talk to who asks about my lifestyle are hesitant to hear the information initially, but as time goes on, find themselves in the debate I had with myself seven years ago. 

If I can’t hear about it, see it, understand it, then maybe I shouldn’t be apart of it.

I have had many people… and by many I mean probably 80 or more people switch to vegetarian, vegan or more considerate diets because of my education to them on cruelty, but also my actions. The more technology advances, fortunately and unfortunately, the more terrible videos are being shared from around the world. The more I am angry.

So what happens when your family, your life partner, or your best friends hear you speak about this, they physically see the videos you do, they read your blogs, they do everything you do … but resist the idea ever in their future, to become less selfish, more compassionate, and more empathetic about others … other than themselves? 

What do you do? 

For a few years I became an incognito vegan. I was pretty chill, pretty quiet about it due to the backlash I had gotten from others when I initially went vegan. Married a carnivore that ate vegan at home, but then started to demand meat products (chicken and fish only but I still don’t get it) and then eventually tells you to drop it and to stop talking about animal cruelty (your greatest passion) because he’ll never go vegetarian because he doesn’t want to.

Now he technically isn’t in a wrong for his own will… but what if eventually with your education on the psychology of eating meat, and contributing to terrible companies, raise you up so high to a new passion you’ve never met before in helping change the world and providing others with reason, that the mentality of your loved ones, become the epitome of the things you hate in this world.

This isn’t just my marriage… this is almost everyone around me.

They hear, they see, but the ten minute meals are still more to them than a life.

How do you deal with that?

A part of me knows I should have moved out west, and started over when I had the chance, when I graduated the first time. Another part of me thinks that I would have missed out on so much I have created here. I knew I would always wonder what that life looked like. Would I have been single forever with 10 rescue cats, working for a sanctuary? Would I have met someone at a coffee shop that enjoys those theoretical discussions and would help me fight corruption in our political system or for animals? 

Those questions were expected to come, but are pointless to have.

I love my family, friends, my husband, but there is some cognitive disconnect I have with all of them. The amount of emphatic characteristic or tendency I have is a gift and such an incredible curse. I’m frustrated ninety percent of the time. And I guess when the environment gets really shitty, I’ll be the knight in shining armor that told them it was coming. I’m not sure. 

This blog isn’t a personal one, it’s a theoretical based one…. but today I just need some help moving forward.

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