call it what you want

For this 18/52 week it was my birthday, my golden birthday, I should say. Typically every year I have a mental breakdown on it – it’s not that I’m getting older, necessarily, but more so that life is going by so fast. I miss the days of cuddling with my mom, worrying about uneven tan lines or the next week rather than years down the line. We all find a little grace in thinking about times with less responsibility.

I had a few moments of panic and OCD breakdowns this week – but I think I may share that this upcoming week with my next post, Today I am going to focus on things that I really am thankful for.

On Friday I had one of my close friends photograph me with my cat [lol]. I don’t have those photographs yet, but I did do some of my own. After that I picked up a gluten free, vegan cake from Rise Authentic Bakery [my very favorite in Grand Rapids]. I also got some tacos from Luna and made my own guac and snacks. Around 530 my friends came over. I really wanted to invite like 30 people I adore, but in the age of COVID, I need to be responsible. So I invited 10 of my closest, vaccinated, friends and made them each dress up like an era of Taylor Swift [or Music Video inspired lol].

Here are some self portraits I took just with my cat and me

When Josh got home I made him do some family portraits, too [lol]

Annddd here are some of my friends ❤

So why did I do this?

I don’t know, I’m not anyone to do pastel, celebrate birthdays or make a big deal out of me. In reality I didn’t really do this for me – I kind of did it as a way to give people something to look forward too- plus we had 5 April birthday people there, so I ended up giving gifts and flowers to all of my guests since It was most of their birthday’s too and I didn’t want any one to feel left out. But also, it was either go extra, or cry all day, so I guess I chose the more positive one, lol.

30 is scary. Not because its ‘old,’ but because when you hit this age you realize how your grandparents feel. That your mind doesn’t age but your body does. That you are now working towards a new decade number [40]. That time goes by so fucking fast and we need to cherish every moment. You realize that the 20’s flew by and most of us spend those years dreading and pulling apart how we look. In the most flexible age, and the most easy-to-cope with body and forgiving metabolism, we are cruel. We don’t get those years back. After 30 I feel [myself personally], it becomes about acceptance. Accepting you wont be small sizes.. understanding that you don’t have to. This part of aging is the beauty of it.

If anyone under thirty is reading this – understand that the time is now. Don’t wait until you are 30 to start working on loving yourself. EVERY year I take photos of myself and catch myself saying ‘dang you looked good’ to a photo I took of myself only a year prior, and during that capture I thought ‘I wish I looked like myself a year ago.’ That trend will never stop. You will always wish you looked like a photo earlier and in that moment of that same photo you probably didn’t enjoy, accept or appreciate what you looked like during the time. SO, enjoy it. Photograph yourself and love who you are today, think about what you will say about yourself in a year. Cherish it.

Our lives are not determined by our appearance but boy does society make it an all consuming factor.

Be extra, love your growth, make people smile, be kind.

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