31
This year in April I turned 31. I didn’t go all out as the year before – since last year was my golden birthday but I still definitely am in my Lover Vibe. I set up a backdrop – took some photographs – attempted to make a playlist that had more than just Taylor on it, and invited all of the people I love into one space. It all went wonderfully. I love being one year behind Taylor so I can focus on her excitement for herself aging and attempt to apply it into my own life.
This year … well I guess every year… has just felt a little heavier. My Taylor project definitely has kept me in good creative spirits, and my focus on music and art has done me a great service, but obviously it can only help so much. Being an empath is a beautiful thing because it allows me to rid my selfishness and understand others pain without actually going through what they have. It has allowed me to self reflect a lot – but I also have had to create many working rules and boundaries with my own life so I don’t drown in others, and my own, emotions.
America, and the world, feels like it’s in some real shit right now. Between women’s rights, gun [or lack there of] legislation, COVID, war around the world, human and animal rights, I feel constantly right under the surface of the water, gasping for breath when I can, but being thankful for every breath I can munster up from under the surface. I know I am not alone in this. This is why my art, my weddings, my cats [lol], my Taylor Swift blog [releasing midnight of June 9th, by the way], my family, my spouse have been so big in this moment for me. It’s why support systems and individual joys are so so important. I wouldn’t be here without my friends, I know that… I hope they absolutely know that.
I’ve never been a birthday person. I never threw parties, I just usually sat by myself or my husband and cried about getting older. After I turned 30 and the world turned to hot flames, I decided that if I wanted to enjoy this life, I needed to make the effort to defeat my internal feelings, and do something that allowed me to enjoy it – for me – it’s people I love.
I’m an introvert in every way, shape, and form when it comes to my daily tasks and with people I don’t know [unless I’m working then I literally cannot be and I have to mask a lot] but when I am with my friends I just feel so incredibly safe to be who I am – and what a joy that is.
The last few years I have really begun to take the days by each day individually. Today I got groceries and inflation is definitely here, but I thought, “wow, this is definitely double the cost, but how grateful I am to have a job that although I may not be saving money, I am able to buy what I need and survive.”
Self reflection. It’s so important.
I’ve been journaling to myself lately and not as much on here – but I do think I will be writing a masssssive post about things I deeply care about; women’s rights, the break up of Christianity and the church and WHY it’s so important right now, gun legislation and the killing of innocent people; old or young, and the need to get active in making this world a better place.
My art work touches individuals, which is important, but I just have a feeling I’m going to need to get more involved whether I like it or not.
Anyways, to the reason of this post:
Today is Maddy’s 13th Birthday. Taylor would be proud.
I honestly didn’t think she would do this good with a bowtie and a hat but she always proves me wrong. Such a good baby.
If you didn’t know Maddy had cancer in her face. She had surgery for it 3 times. The first being at a vet that didn’t think it was cancer. She got it removed and within a year it came back. It looked like an open sore on her lip, so we addressed it again. The second time it came back a cancer but the vet thought they got it all. The third time it came back we went to a new vet, and they saw that it was actually a cancer that spiders through vessels, so it was localized but it was in most of her face. We went to a special vet and they told me they could remove part of her neck and use it to take out the cancer [half her face] and redistribute the neck skin on her face. I kick myself in the butt for not going to a different vet sooner – but you just always hope the professionals care enough and know enough to dive deep into the science, but alas, not all doctors are made equal.
I said yes to this traumatic surgery [I’ll spare you the images], otherwise she had probably about 6 months until it was going to make her life awful, throbbing pain, and we’d have to put her down. But when I said yes I had no idea the trauma and both emotional and financial toll it would take on me. It was a long healing process – including 3 unexpected emergency vet visits in between- but she is 2 years cancer free now- and living her happiest life. I’m still thankful COVID happened during that reason – I was teaching at MSU and I needed to be home with her, and literally that week of her healing our school had to begin working remote – so it worked out but obviously that was a ‘give and take’ type of situation.
Since moving to our new house she gets to go outside hours of the day, and she is the talk of the neighborhood because she goes outside, either catches a mouse or just lays in our backyard and doesn’t ever go where she shouldn’t. She’s trained so well.. I have never had a love like this with a cat, and I have never had a cat that listens so well. She also knows how to sit, shake, roll over and lay down but I won’t brag about it too much 🙂 haha
She also did much better than I thought she would with these photos and that hat [lol]
Anyways, thanks for following along on my crazy life. This blog has been a mixture of fun projects and also hard topics and I think the balance is going okay for me – on my end.
My next bleachella blog will come out this Friday, and my long long long post including all of my Taylor Swift shoots as well as the importance of the eras; to myself and to the growth of the music industry, is coming midnight on June 9th [in Taylor fashion].
I hope you read it! Even if you don’t know her as an artist, it’s going to be a wild ride.
Wish Maddy a happy birthday! I’m so glad she’s made it to 13, and I hope she has many more years to come.
Paige Young 