The last 2-3 years have been a wild ride for most of us. If we hadn’t experienced loss prior to that, most of us felt it within the last few years. Loss is always a difficult process, no matter how it happens. Whether prolonged or with short-notice, the process afterward is always cyclical and painful even if we were prepared.

Lindsay lost her husband, Steve, on October 2, 2021 after he came down with Covid. Only after 12 hours of being on a ventilator, he passed, quickly and without warning. Lindsay has three boys, two which were her husbands biological sons, and one that is her biological blood. However, she loves them all as hers and they are what keep her going through the day to day waves.

2019 proved to be a hard year for their two older sons (as their biological mom passed away unexpectedly), and they began to live with Steve and Lindsay full time. Prior to this Lindsay didn’t have to or even think to seek legal custody of her two older boys because never in a million years did she think she would go through what she did – but after the loss of her husband, she sought out full custody to make sure she wasn’t going to lose them, too.

The way Lindsay talks not only about Steve, but her three boys is overwhelmingly full of empathy. As a true guardian, she acknowledges her pain and resentment of loss, but also is so attentive to how this must make her children feel. She carries on and remains strong because she has to be.

“Being a MOM is the most rewarding job I’ll ever have but it’s also the hardest, made even harder by our families grief. As a mom I hate to see my boys hurt and all I want to do is fix it and I can’t fix this. I can, though, continue to be open with them, cry with them, laugh with them and show them all their feelings are valid and we will continue to grow and move forward together as a team.” 

Lindsay

Everyone has a why. It may be your animals, kids, occupation, favorite artist to learn about online, therapy, but it doesn’t matter the reason – the reason has to exist in times like this and whatever it may be, it’s crucial. The grieving process is never ending – sometimes distractions and responsibilities are a good way to power through the immediate pain we feel when losing people – sometimes they are a hindrance to us confronting the immediate pain that rushes into our systems as we adjust to new routines, life, and feelings, but as time continues and we have more strength to confront the pain – I’d say these responsibilities are a crucial part in our existence and well-being.

“I made a promise to Steve to always be there for our 3 boys, to love them unconditionally, to support them, to raise them into respectable men, to show them love and compassion and to care for them. Promise or not I would do it anyway, no questions asked. My 3 boys are my rock! My reason to get out of bed every morning. They are my everything and I love them so much!”

For anyone single parenting, no matter how the situation arises, there will always be moments of anger or wishing. These moments may be in moments of complete bliss, but wishing the person was there to see it. Life is always full of ‘what ifs’ and ‘how comes,’ but it’s so incredibly important that we focus on what is actually in front of us. The cyclical waves of grief will always be there but we can never change the past – we can only really influence the future, and if you talk to any parent they will tell you that sometimes the future of their kids feel more important to light up than their own. In due time, you will need to light your own future and give yourself time to grieve, grow and seek happiness too – but that timeline looks different for everyone, and that’s okay.

“Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass but learning to dance in the rain.”

Thank you Lindsay, for inviting me in your home, telling me your story, and showing me your incredible strength.

apaige photography covid fine art grief grief project loss parenting single parenting theory widow